Involuntary Tears

December 30, 2016 Wake day is upon us. I don’t remember much of the morning. I remember every one rushing around and getting ready. Our oldest sons girlfriend did Veronicas hair to match the pretty dress she picked out while myself and my best friend were in the bathroom putting “our faces on”. At this point I…

Shadow Boxes & Time Capsules

December 29, 2016 This day was especially crappy. Two days without my baby. It’s already been two days since I have seen or held or kissed my baby. Longest 2 days of my life. On this morning an old friend of mine who is also a hairdresser was kind enough to work me into her…

An Angels Voice

December 28th 2016 I open my eyes and everyone is still asleep.  My husband is on the other side of the couch. Remington was on the air mattress and little Vinnie at some point in the night came on the couch with me. My thoughts start going…. “It’s quiet. It’s tooo quiet. I should be hearing…

“911 What’s Your Emergency”

6:30am “Babe she’s not breathing wake up” “Vinnie, she’s fine” “Babe no she’s not breathing” “Vin she’s not ok!!!!!! WAKE UP STELLA WAKE UP. COME ON WAKE UP. BABY WAKE UP. OH HUNNY SHES GONE” “I CALL 911 RIGHT?!” “YES CALL 911″ “911 what’s your emergency?” “My infant daughter isn’t breathing I need help now.”…

Another 23rd.

UUGGGHHHH… I HATE THIS DAY Well the 23rd day of another month is here. I’m really hoping this 23rd isn’t as bad. I hate the person I am on these days. Actually its the whole week. See she was born 11-23-16 and passed on 12-27. I find that no matter what I do I’m always…

Stella Myyy Belllllaaa

After she was born and things started to settle down we got into our routine. I would get the big kids to bed come back down we would spend time with daddy just the 3 of us until he eventually passed out on the couch. Her and I would then watch t.v for a while….

I’m What?…

I’ve decided that before I jump right into everything I’d go through my pregnancy first. I mean really, isn’t that where it all began?  It’s true that every pregnancy is different, but, when you’re on your fourth pregnancy, there are some similarities. Then there are still those things that make you say “Wait.. are my…

What Was The Take Away

November 23, 2016 was not just one of the best days of my life…. It was also a very special day for my very special boy Remington. On this day a whole new happiness was introduced to him. I’ve heard big brothers have a soft spot for their little sisters but on this day I…

IT’S A GIRL!!!

Alright…I was asked to write about the day I found out that I was having a girl. I have zero patience for this kind of thing. “Well don’t you wanna be surprised?!”. No. No I don’t. I have a person to prepare for. It is getting harder and harder to find neutral clothes or anything…

Ummmmm…. What Was THAT?

Alright, I’ve decided to skip the nine long months of pregnancy and just jump right into the morning she was born. I personally LOVE talking about my labor and deliveries. She is no exception. Her birth was the best experience I have had when it comes to birthing babies. In my last trimester I decided…

How Did I Get Here?

How did I get here? How is this my life now? This wasn’t supposed to happen. She was going to come and our family was going to be complete. She wasn’t supposed to go. She wasn’t supposed to have to leave so soon. She just got here. She’s only 34 days old. You’re not supposed…