Honesty Is Always Better Than An Unintentional Upset

So in this post I may sound sort of like an asshole. I’m not entirely sure. Maybe even a little insensitive. Remember though I tend to look at things a lot differently than the average person it seems. This past year I have been introduced to what is known as life’s number one stressor and…

An Unexpected Healer.

SO. This Friday we took a family trip to Target to get a few things. While there I did what I always do and that is spot all the babies. I don’t do it intentionally it just happens that way. Vinnie does it also. He saw one baby and I saw another. Both babies were…

Fight Or Flight..?

 I was asked if I had another baby would the anxiety consume me… It’s funny this was asked because I said before I would go back and forth on wanting a baby and not wanting a baby. I think I would be ok and then that dark cloud would come out. I’m out of that…

Aching Arms

These past few days I’ve just been dying on the inside. It lets up and something happens and that feeling comes right back. We saw the CUTEST little baby girl tonight. She was just beautiful. Of course I asked to hold her because…it’s a baby and I’m me. Well little Vinnie runs up to me and…

Ticking of A Stopwatch

It’s funny. The places life takes you. Think back to when you were a kid. Grade school. Maybe even before that. Reflect on your life now. Or maybe just the last five years. Did you ever think it would turn out like this? That you would be where you are now? Or maybe the five…

Soul Searching

I haven’t written in what feels like forever. I think it’s been a couple of weeks. My apologies. I’ve been doing a little “soul searching” and some reading. See before this I never really had what I felt like was a solid religious view. I believe that God does exist. I believe that you should…

Mans Best Friend?

I’ve been having a really rough go for the past week I’d say. For as alright as I’m trying to be sometimes you just feel like crap. I believe it’s necessary though. What’s with the dog you’re wondering? I will tell you all about him. So this good boy we had the pleasure of..dog sitting….for a…

Is Ignorance Really Bliss?

So you wanna know what really sucks? Having to explain to a four year old why we had to go to the hospital after his sister died. What sucks even more than that? Trying to lightly explain to him what kind of measures the doctors took in trying to “save” her. I took the boys…

Loaded Questions Have Loaded Answers

I’ve had this question asked to me more times than I can count on my fingers and my toes. Are we going to have another baby? You don’t understand how loaded that question is. I don’t take offense to it. In my own personal opinion it’s an obvious and somewhat logical question. Some find it…

Beginning Of The End

All weekend I was trying to figure out why I was in a miserable mood. I couldn’t put my finger on it. There was talk about going to visit her but we didn’t make it for two days because of the rain. Not just sprinkles.. RAIN. Well Vinnie said in conversation “I realized you wanted…

Dirt Piles and Paper Towels

I remember the first time we attempted to go to the cemetery after she died. It was our first appointment for grief counseling and we were on our way home on the thruway and Vinnie asked me if we should stop. “Our daughter is right over there”. This made me feel some type of way….

Two Faced

I feel the need to write about this. Only because it shows how absolutely ridiculous this grief is. It’s just another reminder that no matter how “ok” you may think you are all it takes is one little gastrointestinal virus to send you into an emotional mess. So this past weekend we had a family…