Soul Searching

I haven’t written in what feels like forever. I think it’s been a couple of weeks. My apologies. I’ve been doing a little “soul searching” and some reading. See before this I never really had what I felt like was a solid religious view. I believe that God does exist. I believe that you should…

Mans Best Friend?

I’ve been having a really rough go for┬áthe past week I’d say. For as alright as I’m trying to be sometimes you just feel like crap. I believe it’s necessary though. What’s with the dog you’re wondering? I will tell you all about him. So this good boy we had the pleasure of..dog sitting….for a…

Is Ignorance Really Bliss?

So you wanna know what really sucks? Having to explain to a four year old why we had to go to the hospital after his sister died. What sucks even more than that? Trying to lightly explain to him what kind of measures the doctors took in trying to “save” her. I took the boys…

Loaded Questions Have Loaded Answers

I’ve had this question asked to me more times than I can count on my fingers and my toes. Are we going to have another baby? You don’t understand how loaded that question is. I don’t take offense to it. In my own personal opinion it’s an obvious and somewhat logical question. Some find it…

Beginning Of The End

All weekend I was trying to figure out why I was in a miserable mood. I couldn’t put my finger on it. There was talk about going to visit her but we didn’t make it for two days because of the rain. Not just sprinkles.. RAIN. Well Vinnie said in conversation “I realized you wanted…

Dirt Piles and Paper Towels

I remember the first time we attempted to go to the cemetery after she died. It was our first appointment for grief counseling and we were on our way home on the thruway and Vinnie asked me if we should stop. “Our daughter is right over there”. This made me feel some type of way….

Two Faced

I feel the need to write about this. Only because it shows how absolutely ridiculous this grief is. It’s just another reminder that no matter how “ok” you may think you are all it takes is one little gastrointestinal virus to send you into an emotional mess. So this past weekend we had a family…

The First Of The Lasts

I’ve seen the quotes and I’ve heard people say to always hug your loved ones because for all you know, it will be the last time you ever do. Who ever really thinks that though? I always try to but sometimes I leave the house without kissing my husband goodbye if I’m just running right…

Stella’s Song

Alrighty. I really, really,┬áREALLY wanna talk about signs. I LOVE when I find things from her or when she leaves things for me or when she visits. I am fully aware not every one believes in this kind of thing, which I won’t ever understand because it’s so nice to hear from them but I…

#Triggered

Alright. Triggers. Let us talk about triggers. I think my biggest trigger is pregnant women and toddler little girls. It’s weird though because it’s strangers that get me, not friends. I have pregnant friends and friends with little girls. Totally fine with them. I guess it’s again a reminder of what was and then what…

So Much Happens When You’re Sleeping

Time moved so slow in the weeks to follow. It felt like I was standing still and everything was just moving around me. The days were so long, but before we knew it 9pm was here. Everything was a mess. As I said we were sleeping on an air mattress in the living room. I…

Screaming On The Inside

December 31, 2016 While a lot of you are spending the day getting ready for your parties and festivities, we were laying out daughter to rest. I suppose it was a nice grave side service. I honestly don’t even remember much of anything that was said. It didn’t really matter what was said. What was…