Heartbeats and Loud Quiets

I have functioned this WHOLE day on three hours of sleep. Maybe four. I am back! I’m trying to write this from my phone. It has been so long and I’m going crazy. Why did Deirdre only get three or four hours of sleep you ask? Oh ok let us talk about it PLEASE! So…

Young Love

Look at those faces. Young and fresh and optimistic. Full of life and happiness. Living in the moment and enjoying life. I believe this was taken the week after I first met him. When I first met him I wanted NOTHING to do with him. NOTHING. Not a single thing. “Oh your brother’s name is Vinnie……

“Stella Comes Back To Me”

Hello all. I haven’t been around lately. Honestly I’m not even sure what to write about. We’ve been so busy doing holiday things and then Christmas happened. Which my house is still destroyed from. So that’s making my anxiety skyrocket daily. I don’t need tidy I just need cleaned up. I’m also the person that…

A Picture Isn’t Always Perfect

On 12-31-2016 we laid her to rest. Going home that day sucked. It was the end and the beginning. The planning and getting ready for the funeral was over. She was permanently gone. Not like she wasn’t since December 27th but this was different. She was above ground even if she wasn’t home. Or more bluntly,…

Making Space

So. Her birthday has come and gone. I will say I was in a better mood on her birthday than I was the day before. The day before sucked real bad. Tears, boogers, the whole nine. To make things even worse…. I get in the car that night to go get the last few things…

Three Days Overdue!!

FLUCK THIS IS HARD! At this point, my baby was three days overdue. THREE DAYS OVERDUE. I was bigger than a house and my body was hurting. My hips were hurting so bad thanks to SPD. I was ready. I needed her to come out. I was pretty sure she was actually never coming out….

Tears For The Orchid

Well friends, it finally happened. In the first time in ever, I called my husband crying over something that to a normal person, would be so trivial. Remington broke my Orchid that I have been trying so hard to save. It even has a new leaf growing. Why did I have a breakdown about a…

Over-Thinking

Oh here I am! I’m back. Again. As I said I was wallowing in a bit of self-pity. I didn’t mean to, it just kind of crept up and stayed for a little while. I hate when it does that. I get very easily irritated and I have very little patience. Which sucks because my…

Return To Sender

To Whom This May Concern : Why was it us that has to suffer? Why was our family picked for this? Ask and you shall receive. We didn’t ask for this. I would have given the air from my lungs to fill hers. One last breath to make sure she got to stay. No questions asked. Why is…

ѕnαpѕнoтѕ

I’m back. I feel like it’s been a little while. I more or less haven’t written anything because in all honesty, I’ve been having a real hard time these past couple weeks. I don’t generally like to show weakness of any sort. I don’t like to let people know when I’m anything other than ok….

Scattered Thoughts

Putting the kids to bed lately has been pure torture. They watch a movie at bedtime and lately the pick has been Mr.Peabody and Sherman. All well and good except for me it’s anything but. That movie was playing I believe either the first or second night we had her home. We went up to…

Knowledge Is Power

I was asked my take on co-sleeping. I lean more towards the controversial side of things. I have also done countless hours of reading and Google searches about this. Just more or less to see what I could find. I have always slept with my babies. I always felt more comfortable that way. I felt…