Dear Azrael

Dear Azrael, I felt you. We all felt you invade our home. My son would see you lurking in the corners of our room. Looming over her things. He referred to you as a “monster”. I would feel you nudge me. Feel you watching me over my shoulder as I did my daily things. I…

It’s All Uncontrollable

Ugh. Things have been harder again. I’m willing to bet it has to do with a few different things. Since it all happened I haven’t really had a lot of time to grieve the way I suppose I should be. The fact that I’m pregnant is obviously magnifying a lot of different emotions and thoughts. Also the…

Our Family Grows Again

   So… Exciting things happening in our big family. Another baby will be gracing us sometime around the end of December beginning of January. Hopefully. I say hopefully because anything can happen. It’s a long nine months. It’s literally a minute by minute thing. One minute there’s a heartbeat and the next..well there isn’t. So…

Harsh Words Spoken With Love

If any post is going to trigger people it’s probably going to be this one. I will probably lose a follower or two. That’s alright. I just have to throw this all out there. What I am going to say in this post comes from a place of love. It may sound like it’s coming…

Forgiveness

As I was laying in bed last night I was thinking to myself about what exactly do I have to do in order to be able to move forward to my fullest potential. What is this step I’m missing  in order to be able to move forward? I’ve been stuck. I was progressing and then I…

Ask And You Shall Receive

I know it’s late and I should probably be sleeping but, who am I kidding…? I wouldn’t be sleeping right now on a good night anyways. As far as my little baby with wings is concerned, nothing but sweet things have been happening. I just had to write about it. I guess if you believe…

Keep Fighting

Last night as I’m driving it hit me. Out of nowhere and like 10,000 bricks. I’m not really sure what, if anything triggered it. Maybe it was just the fact that I was finally alone. I was able to think my own thoughts. Or maybe because I’ve been a little more stressed than normal. It…

Playing Catch Up……

Just when I thought maybe a break was in our future. Just when I thought the kids were ok…. BAM! Little Vinnie is hit with the grief wave. I was hoping that maybe because he was so young when it happened he wouldn’t feel all the feels. I was wrong. It just took him a…

Heartbeats and Loud Quiets

I have functioned this WHOLE day on three hours of sleep. Maybe four. I am back! I’m trying to write this from my phone. It has been so long and I’m going crazy. Why did Deirdre only get three or four hours of sleep you ask? Oh ok let us talk about it PLEASE! So…

Young Love

Look at those faces. Young and fresh and optimistic. Full of life and happiness. Living in the moment and enjoying life. I believe this was taken the week after I first met him. When I first met him I wanted NOTHING to do with him. NOTHING. Not a single thing. “Oh your brother’s name is Vinnie……